How to Stop Sex Guilt

I got an email from Hannah who writes:

“I’m 25-year-old women with a bit of a problem that I’m struggling to really understand. If I’m struggling with it, there are probably others who are too so that it might make a good article.” Girl, were you right. “I’m only two years into the marriage, and I have developed an aversion to sex. Most Sex-Positive resources are just that – positive. A whole lot of the sunshine, condoms, and daisies. But they never tell you HOW to get over the issues you may have with sex. The problem doesn’t lie with my libido – the problem lies with years of thoughts and experience that have developed into an aversion. I know it can’t be fixed overnight. I know that I enjoy sex and that I have enjoyed it in the past. I really want to have sex with my husband, but the thought of it typically makes me feel uncomfortable and closed-off. When I do feel open enough, I usually experience post-coital sadness and sometimes sob uncontrollably for a few minutes. My husband has never made me feel bad about this. In fact, he’s incredibly supportive and NEVER pressures me to do anything. I’ve never experienced sexual abuse. The only thing I can say is that I have body confidence issues (after gaining some weight), I grew up believing that sex before marriage was wrong, and as a consequence, felt extremely, horribly guilty over my sex drive when I was younger, which I would obviously relieve through masturbation. I am STILL haunted by feelings of sexual disgust, shame, and sadness, even when I thought I had dealt with and eliminated my church-induced sex-shame already. HOW can I re-wire my brain into enjoying sex as something fun, and beautiful, and affectionate, and passionate, and normal?”

I would go to a therapist. Ain’t no shame in my therapy game. But there are three things I can impart to you and all the other people reading this article, who can relate to what you’re going through.

And the next message I have for you is to stop fretting about the sex. The way you describe being younger and feeling guilty simply for experiencing sexual interest and pleasure and then masturbating, it’s understandable that your brain unbeknownst to you forged a pretty strong connection between sexual pleasure and probably orgasm, and guilt, and shame. What I would encourage you to do is to reteach your brain that your body is not a source of shame and that sexual pleasure is not dangerous. And I know, you know that in your head. Whatever kind of physical thing that you can do with your body, whether that is going out jogging, or lifting weights, or mountain climbing, physical actions that make you feel good, that make you feel empowered, and start rebuilding that relationship.

Also, don’t forget or marginalize all of the non-intercourse activities that you can do alone or with your husband, that can deepen your relationship and also build that sexual desire. And please repeat after me: “Your body is not a source of shame.” So while I’m not a licensed sex therapist, I hope that this helped a little bit and folks are reading, if this resonated with you, I want to know in what way. If you just need to get out what you’re feeling or if you have some tips to share, please let me know in the comments below. And also if you’re someone, who has been in a relationship with someone, who has had zero sex drive, let us know how you worked through that or if you worked through that.

What’s The Matter With Boobs?

I actually want to circle back to a question:

‘I have a question. I’m modeled for a friend’s project this week, it was a topless shoot, but I was covered in paint. It wasn’t vulgar at all, but somehow it managed to really tick off my boyfriend, we had a terrible fight, and I just can’t understand what the big deal is. Seriously, what’s the matter with boobs?’

This question of what’s the matter with boobs jumped out at me because when it comes to your predicament, in particular, we’re talking about the boobs, but we’re also talking about things, not your boobs. First, let’s talk about the boobs, though, why are boobs so controversial? In a nutshell, it’s because women’s bodies have been so continually objectified and sexualized that a lot of times when we see cleavage even, not even an entire breast, not even a nipple, not a hint of a nipple, we automatically assume that there is a sexual connotation to that. Even if you just happen to be a larger breasted woman wearing a lower cut shirt, and that’s the shirt that you want to wear, and that should be entirely okay, me as a smaller chested woman wearing that same low cut shirt would not have the same amount of cleavage and I would not attract the same amount of automatic snap judgements from people, who would be assuming that I if I had more cleavage, larger breasts, etc., was trying to be provocative, send some kind of sexual message by simply showing a line between two pieces of flesh, which is really all cleavage is. Not to say that cleavage can’t be sexy, but I know for a fact from girlfriends of mine with larger breasts that it’s frustrating, that we always assume or tend to assume that cleavage is meant to be sexy, that it is meant to attract the gaze. To me, breasts are the symbol of a lot of other problems that we have in terms of how women are perceived and treated and objectified.

Now in terms of the second layer of this question in regard to your relationship, it’s not what’s the matter with boobs, it’s what’s the matter with your boyfriend? In the way that you phrase it at least, it sounds like maybe there are some jealousy and trust issues going on. If you say that it was an art project, and you were comfortable with it, and nothing weird happened, and you felt like your body was being honored, I don’t know why he should be freaking out to the point that it causes a fight. And to me, it is a red flag if someone is more concerned about how you are presenting your body than you are because that says that maybe he or she feels more ownership over your body than he or she should. When your body can only be seen in sexual terms, then that is a problem. We aren’t sex objects. And by me, I’m saying, women.

Women, what do you think, though? What is, what is the matter with boobs? Have you experienced this kind of breast-shaming before? And guys, what do you think as well? If you have a girlfriend, sister, friend who is a girl and she happens to be showing a lot of cleavages, does it make you uncomfortable? Would it be something that you would get in a fight about? And don’t forget to ask me your questions as well. Ask me anything people, for reals; you want me to talk about boobs, you want me to talk about man boobs. The clinical term, gynecomastia. See I’m already talking about it.

Peyronie’s Disease: Evaluation and Treatment

I would like to take a few moments to talk to you about a common condition in men called Peyronie’s disease. In this article, I will define Peyronie’s disease, discuss the evaluation, and offer some treatment solution for this common condition that affects millions of American men.

The definition of Peyronie’s disease is an acquired condition associated with the curvature of the penis. It usually occurs in men between the ages of 45 and 60 years of age, and it’s usually progressive with more bending and angulation of the penis with the passage of time. Fortunately, some cases subside spontaneously without any treatment at all. It usually results from an inelastic scar resulting in the bending at the time of an erection. There is usually pain associated with the erection and in severe cases, where there is significant angulation of the penis, it may cause discomfort to the man’s partner. If there is a significant restriction of the blood flow in the penis, it may result at the end of the penis not becoming erect and remaining flaccid when the part of the penis closest to the body fills with blood.

Most of these cases present with pain at the time of an erection, and there is noted angulation or bending of the penis at the time of an erection. With severe cases, there can be a palpable non-tender movable mass in the penis that is not associated with any pain or discomfort when the man is examined. Because the scar formation in the penis only affects the blood supply to the erection part of the penis, it is usually not associated with any restriction of the passage of urine from the bladder to the outside of the body.

The clinical course of Peyronie’s disease is usually progressive pain with intercourse causing distortion of the penis and bending of the penis with an erection. With progressive Peyronie’s disease, the scar can become calcified and become very hard and very firm. With more angulation, there is more discomfort to the man and also to the partner as well.

The diagnosis is easily made from the history, and on the physical exam, the palpation of the nodule in the shaft of the penis is easily accomplished. It is often helpful if the man takes photographs of the penis in the erect position as this will become very helpful in plotting or following the progress associated with treatment. Occasionally and x-ray will pick up a calcification in the penis.

The treatment of Peyronie’s disease has multiple options. One treatment option is certainly watchful waiting. If there is not severe pain or there is not enough angulation that prevents penetration or discomfort to the partner, often no treatment is recommended. There are pills that can be taken called Potaba, which requires approximately eight to twelve tablets a day. Also, vitamin E has been reported to occasionally being helpful, and Verapamil cream applied topically to the plaque may result in softening of the plaque. There are also injections that can be applied or inserted into the plaque with injections of steroids, interferon, and also verapamil injections often can be effective in reducing the size of the plaque.

If these conservative approaches are not helpful, then surgical management is required, which it consists of surgically removing the plaque or surgically suturing the opposite side of the bend in order to straighten the penis. And in severe cases, where this is not possible, it requires the insertion of a penile prosthesis either an inflatable penile prosthesis or a semi-rigid rod.

In summary Peyronie’s disease is a common urologic condition affecting millions of American men. It is associated with angulation or bending of the penis and pain at the time of erection. The discomfort or the condition can be disabling both to the man and his partner at the time of sexual intimacy. Treatment is available and most men with Peyronie’s disease can be helped and can return to their previous normal sexual intimacy.

Natural Remedies For Erectile Dysfunction

Viagra side effects

It seems that not a day passes when I don’t see a commercial for erectile dysfunction. And of course, people always think about Viagra, whereas Viagra for many people causes all kinds of unhealthy side effects. I was doing some testing on Chinese herbs and found out that I had lost about 20% of my vision, and had it analyzed, and found out that it was the Viagra that did it.

Many years ago I also saw one show, where they demonstrated a man, who gone completely blind having taken Viagra. Because Viagra messes with the plumbing of your body, it messes with the circulation of blood in your body. And simply if you’re putting too much blood down south, you may not get enough blood to your eyes, and you actually have a cell degeneration that can occur. That’s my simple explanation for it, there’s no more complex one, but it certainly makes sense to me. So I know just from the point of view of keeping your vision vital, Viagra, in my opinion, is not a good thing to do.

It also doesn’t actually enhance your body’s natural ability to function in a sexual way; it just interferes with the plumbing, allows more to be held down south than up, it can also be dangerous for somebody’s circulation to the heart. I just would stay away from Viagra, and people casually take it, and then, you know, people getting a heart attack at 55-60 years old, that is what’s this about. You just don’t know all the contributing factors. But I have to say I have friends, who in their seventies use Viagra, and they started having sex again, because they had erectile dysfunction; and I don’t know how long they’re going to live, but for sure, the last years of their life is going to be much happier, without a doubt about that.

Natural remedies for erectile dysfunction

Now having said all that, would it be great there was a natural way to do it, which didn’t have any negative side effects? That’s my point. Let’s look at the positive way of having no side effects. Also, by the way, one aspect of erectile dysfunction is not being able to get an erection, another one is losing erection by ejaculating in before you’re ready; this is premature ejaculation. There’s a treatment that they promise, they’ll fix it, actually put a little needle, they stick a little chemical into your penis, and it stays for three hours. It’s awful. And you are able not to ejaculate a long time, and you still got your penis erect, and it’s awful.

So this kind of treatments is so unnatural when people for thousands of years have addressed these issues. Because of the most important thing for your health, if you’re a man, is the ability to have an erection in the morning. Now that may sound so bizarre, but in all cultures, it was known, virility, vitality, and men had to do with their erections. And even if you get old, you lose an erection: you’re not healthy. People, who maintain those erections every day, are healthier.

Now, why would that be? Because there are so many functions in the body, that have to do with healthy testosterone levels in a man. A man needs at least 30 times more testosterone than a woman. When his testosterone level starts dropping, his estrogen levels get higher, estrogen starts putting fat on his belly, fat on his belly starts putting up free radical damage to his veins, and he has a heart attack.  This is the number one risk factor for heart disease – is low testosterone in men. And the average male at 40 years old, the testosterone levels have already significantly dropped. The average male at 50 years old had half the testosterone he had when he was a young man.

These are averages. It’s not me; I have more than I had in my thirties now because I used some herbs that help stimulate that. And why do I even need herbs, because I live in an environment, which is filled with estrogens, and that estrogen environment gets into your body through the water we drink, the food we eat, the meat we eat, and so forth? With all the extra estrogen in our body, it sends a message to the brain, and the brain stops making testosterone. And it’s that testosterone to give you that erection. That’s the whole key to it. That will give you the health.

And I’m not saying “take testosterone,” oh my God, not, I’m not saying that. As soon as you take testosterone, that’s a dangerous steroid that causes your body to break down. Ten years later you’re in pain; you don’t know “why my pain” because you took testosterone. Yeah, you feel good, some men feel good right away. If I only had five years to live and I didn’t have an alternative, I will take it too.

But there’s a natural way to do with no side effects, and you live longer. Research shows that men, who have sex three times a week, live 10 years longer. Now, why they are having sex three times a week, they have a partner, but no, they want it, they feel that testosterone. And I’m not saying that they have testosterone three times a week, or sex three times a week, what I’m saying is you should be able to have sex three times a week, you should have that erection, it should be happening, and it should be happening in the presence of a woman, and ideally it should be a woman that you know. Much easier to get an erection with a woman you don’t know or even more so with pornography, but those are all symptoms of low testosterone, is when you need to have somebody you don’t know to get turned on, that’s not a good thing. The good thing is when you can actually know someone, and then you still get turned on, you still get erections and so forth, that’s a sign of healthy testosterone levels.

Tips To last Longer In Bed

Today I will tell you how to last longer in bed. Most men experience premature ejaculation every once in a while. So, again, this is a normal thing, most men do this. It could be disheartening for a lot of men because you want to go in, and you want to be viral, you want to give that pleasure to partner, you want to see the legs shaking, but you can’t do that if you’re coming too soon. So let’s look at ways that we can prevent that from happening.

A couple of really easy, really quick ways that you can do, number one – condoms. There is certain kind of the ribbed, certain kind of that are thicker than others, and so those things make desensitize the penis a little bit more. You can choose to use that, in order to see, if you can last longer with them.

Also, there is the throwaway orgasm, meaning that if you know, that you’re about to have the sexual thrust of sorts, you can masturbate, cum, but that period of time, that’s going to take for you to cum, the next time will be a lot longer. So that’s another thing that you can try.

Also, there’s numbing cream. That’s a weird one, you can try that, but if you numb your penis with numbing cream, you’re going obviously numb your partner too. Not cool.

Alright, so those are three quick ways, which you can prevent yourself from cumming too early. But what I’m going to do is I’m going to show you a couple of methods, that will be useful to you, especially for those men, who even, despite all those things, you are still cumming too soon. And it’s so often to the point, where it is troubling to you.

Now for the start/stop method for men, who are having ejaculatory issues. This is a therapy, so you want to do this a number of times, you’re not going just to do it once and then all of a sudden, everything’s going to be macro miraculously. You have to work at this a little bit. So what you’re going to do is you are going to stroke your penis. So you are going masturbate into you are almost to orgasm. And then before you get there. If you’re talking about the scale of 1 to 10, where 1 means “I’m not sexually aroused all,” and 10 means “I’m going to cum,” I want you to be in around like 6 or so.

This is something that you can do on your own, but it would be great because a lot of ejaculatory issued that men have are when they have it with their partners. Ok, so it will be great if your partner could be the person helping you with this assignment. Again, you going to stroke until you get to that number when you’re almost there, and then when you’re almost there, what you’re going to do is you want to position your fingers like this and squeeze. Now your penis is not going to break off. I want you to position your fingers right underneath the head of the penis, your 2 first fingers, and then your thumb right here under the corona of the penis. So you just squeeze.

What that’s going to do is, it’s going to take it, because there’s blood in your penis, right, so that’s going to take it down a little bit, it’s going to make it to as not as erect. And then once it goes down, you feel like you’re back your numbers back down, then you’re going to stroke again. Do that at least three times. Each time it gets to that point, you’re going to have your partner squeeze. And communicate with them, let them know squeeze, or you can do it yourself obviously.

Get a firm grip with your fingers; you’re not going to hurt the penis. You want to do that about three times and then allow that person to cum. So you want to do that a couple of times a week, at least just train your body, because that’s what you are doing, all this stuff, all this is muscular, all of this stuff is mental. And so, you know, you definitely want to do that a couple of times, and after a while, you’ll find that she will be a little bit closer to where you want to be by way of lasting longer.

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